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Day 6 Munster to Hamburg
Miles 177
Total 1052
Accompanied by: James and the giant peach, The BFG.
My Me’s from the Lego factory in Cologne.
Here are the Lego Me’s I made in Cologne.
The first is me last year, when I was miserable and wondering whether I was brave enough to move back to Wigan (because it’s difficult to admit you aren’t totally happy, and make a big decision which might be wrong)
As you can see I am holding a pie and contemplating my future.
This is me this year:
As you can see I am very happy because I am coming home. I have a lovely job testing blood and I do not have to carry a pie round with me to remind me of my friends up North. All good. 😀
Day 5: Frankfurt to Munster
Miles: 195
Total: 875
Accompanied by: Fantastic Mr Fox, 3am Grooves (free with Sunday Mirror), First half of James and the giant peach.
Market
Nut woman
Padlock
Fizzy water
Parking man
Getting changed
Lonely
Shopping
Car
Hostel
Weather
Day 4. Full day in Frankfurt – UPDATED
Today has been a quiet sort of day all in all. Just walked LOADS. There are 3 bridges over the river that I can use to get into town so this morning I took a walk further up and went over the pedestrian bridge. Just by the steps there was a couple of padlocks hung onto the railing. I just thought that people had left them there to chain their bikes to.
Just a couple of padlock. Then there were a few more. And a few more.

And then looking further along the bridge you notice all different colours glinting in the sunlight. And they’re all padlocks. Hundreds and thousands of padlocks. Dozens of different colors and styles – some huge rusty metal ones, some simple plain ones written on with marker pen, some engraved with love hearts or flowers, but nearly all with names and a date. I remembered I’d read about this in a guide book a while ago. It’s just a tradition that couples go there and put their names up there forever.
Just over the bridge is a wide strip of grass asking the riverbank, and I heard a proper poop poop and turned round to see what looked like the Hogwarts express coming along towards me. There are train tracks in the grass, it isn’t a regular track that’s used, but for some reason they just had an old fashioned stream train running on today. Giving off proper big clouds of steam with each poop poop.
Walked all along the high street till the big schools had vanished and found a little market. Very disappointing after the long walk – more like a scutty car boot than the little local fresh produce fayre I was hoping for.
Back in the City Square and here are some of the buildings:
Really gorgeous traditional little buildings. It’s always nice to see the “old” part of anywhere you visit rather than just the new shiny skyscrapers and tower blocks. (Frankfurt is a big financial district so there’s shedloads of them to)
So you can imagine I was a bit disappointed to learn that they lovely quaint buildings round the square were actually build in 1975, and just done old style to give an impression of how Frankfurt might have looked. And they only needed rebuilding in the first place because Britian flattened 80% of Frankfurt in a bombing raid in 1944. Feel cheated because they’re fake, and guilty because we squished em. Don’t think I’ll be coming to Frankfurt again!
Oh, here’s the fountain with the lesbians’ scarves wrapped round it.
Still no idea why.
Erm… What else…just wandered lots. Ate more of the very delicious Kirsch und Schokolat cake from McCafe. Honestly, best cake ever. Mmmm mmm mmmm. Found a little oldy worldy church and lit a candle for my Grandad Griff as I always do. There was a church service going on, and it’s very rare these days I go to a “proper” church so it was nice to hear the sing sing voice of the priest, and smell incense and the old churchy smell that makes you feel all solemn. But to me that doesnt have any connection whatsoever to me and my faith and beliefs. Nice to know its there, but it just isn’t relevant to modern day Christians. Put simply, it wasn’t for me. I’m happy clappy and proud. If there ain’t a drum kit I’m off.
Not much worth mentioning today. Been a bit bored – I’m just too excited about getting to Copenhagen and want to be there NOW.
Wandered back to my hostel and on my way back along the river, from around one of the bridge supports came a proper Ned Flanders/Oscar Pistorious scream and round the corner came a man, wearing a suit and tie, running for his life. I stepped to one side to let him pass and without breaking stride he looked at me and shouted “Engleesh?…….I’M…….NOT…….. SCARED……. I’M…….NOT……..SCARED….!” running hell for leather. And after him came a ha ha ha big goose chasing him and honking away. If my phone battery hadn’t gone I would have taken a photo. Brilliantly funny sight. He disappeared off into the distance still shouting “I’M……NOT…..SCARED….” with the goose honking after him. The man protesteth too much methinks!
Back at my hostel I had a bit of a kip and then got more dressed up to go out for a proper meal. When I say “proper meal” and you’re traveling this just means something that you need a knife and fork to eat. The guide book said that the Old town had lots of good little restaurants and steak houses so went out for a late night wander. The guide book was wrong. All the pavement cafes down from the hostel looked more like seedy drugs dens than the Bernie Inn I was hoping for. There were girls drapped over whicker chairs, completely out of it, and massive hooka’s sitting on tables (that’s hookas as in “bongs” rather than hookers as in pimps) ( although I’m sure there were some of those around too) with sweet fruity smells and some more dubious ones filling the air. Not often I feel uneasy when I’m out on my todd – I’m used to going everywhere alone, but I didn’t feel comfortable so walked as quick as I could. Just dark and seedy and felt like the underworld of Frankfurt. Bit further on the was a tiny square at the crossroads of two of the bigger cobbled streets. And there oh joys of joys was “Anglo Irish” a lovely brightly lit welcoming looking pub, with a SkySports sign outside. Result! But the barman couldn’t speak English and they only served for food during the day. Gutted. Didn’t even serve Guinness. About as Irish as Jedward are American. I really hate plastic pubs. Would have just gone back home at this point, but really needed food. Kept to the well lit bigger cobbled roads and soon found my way out into Civiization. And a long row of takeaways. Like Bryn, one takeaway per head of the population. Some of them looked like places where you’d wipe your feet on the way out. And some had the typical gang of greasy blokes outside, thinking all us Engleesh ladies believe we’re the most bee-you-tee-full laydee they have ever seen. Yeah right you muppets.
Anyway, still on the hunt for food I finally found a pizza place. Now you might remember from last year that I accidentally ended up with a brocolli pizza so wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. “Hi, do you have chicken pizza? Pollo? Kip?” (because of yeah I know every language apart from German!). “Yes,” he says “We have ham”. No. Chicken. “Yes. Chicken” and he shows me a tub of ham. I shake my head and make motions of “Never mind, no thank you” while backing out of the door. He quickly shouts to a girl in the back and she comes out. “You want chicken?” Yes. The man points at me and says “Ham”. “Yes. Is Turkey Ham”. But no, that’s still not chicken. I shake my head and leave, heading back along the road to the first pizza place with the greasy men outside. “Hi. Do you have Chicken pizza? Pollo? Kip?” I say to the man behind the counter who unfortunatley has a squiffy eye. His English is better than the last place. “Yes,” he says proudly “We have ham”. Head in hands moment. What sort of town is this were everyone thinks ham is chicken? I mean, on the scale on Farmyard animals pigs and chickens aren’t anywhere near each other. Subway could never open a branch here – there’d be carnage. He can obviously tell by the look on my face this was not the right thing to say. He points to the donner chicken kebab thing on the upright rotating gas grill. I shake my head and begin to leave. He then shouts to a man outside “She wants chicken” and all the greasy men stop talking and stare at me through the window. The oldest of the men looks me up and down and nods, and then says to the squiffy eyed man “Show her the chicken”. And the bloke bends over to the fridge and lifts out…….a tub of chicken. Bizarre. No idea what I did too get approval from the local chicken mafia, but I’m glad I did. Was a very nice pizza. Eventually.
Took a shorter route back through the Old Town and spotted the sign for The other recommended Irish bar I’d seen in the guide books, only I hadn’t realised it was in the old town. And Monday was pub Quiz night! Hooray. Couldn’t really go in now I’d bought a pizza, and after the effort it took to get it I was NOT going to leave it. So I just had a coke and sat outside listening in and chatting to people who’d come out for a cig or a breather. This was a PROPER Irish Pub. None of this fake ‘We’ll paint a shamrock outside and we’ll be fine. None of us have ever been to Ireland but one of us saw a potato once” mock Irish pub. This was a good old fashioned fiddle-de-dee Irish pub. So I sat outside eating my mafia pizza and sipping my coke, listening to the quiz, the general banter and the music in between. And then came one of the funniest lines I have possibly ever heard. Thered been a bit of confusion of the number of questions in each round and then the Quiz man, quite seriously, announces “We’re a bit short on questions this week….so if you’ve got any facts please could you go to the bar”.
Walked back eating the rest of my pizza. It was a really clear night so the stars were out and really visible. Strange but just made me think that they’re the same stars that shine down over CowTown. That’s one of the few things I love about living in the middle of knowhere – the stars are so clear. The more you look the clearer they become, and you can see that the sky is just a very dark inky blue, not black at all. Just made me have a little whistful moment of thinking how beautiful it all was. And then it got a bit windy, and little white fluffy blossom things started blowing off the trees by the river as I walked back. Just more and more and more came down from the trees, and the final 100 yds back to the hostel was amazing – genuinely looked like it was snowing. So pretty and white, and clear and beatiful – quite “awesome” in the proper meaning of the word. Filled with awe. No jokes, nothing funny, it was just a stunning walk home.
Day 3: Cologne to Frankfurt
Miles today:123
Total miles: 680
Location: Frankfurt, Germany
Cost of tonight’s accommodation: £19.50
Number of potnoodles I thought I had in the carboot: 4
Number of potnoodles I actually had in the carboot: 0
Number of times I’ve been asked whether I’m “part of the conference”: 11
Number of hours I stayed and used the free wifi in reception after I’d actually checked out: 2½.
Woke up bright and early and just enjoyed a lie in. The marathon runners clanged about a bit but I thought I’d wait till they were gone to get ready in peace. Room had an en suite which was nice and clean. Any bacteria present were probably overcome by the smell of wintergreen and passed out so I didn’t have to bother with shower flipflops this morning. Was pretty late down for breakfast but THIS is what greated me:
Could have skriked. I usually like my proper continental breakfast of rustic rolls and ham and cheeses, with yoghurt and museli. I can understand Orange slices at a push – but lettuce and cucumber? Really??
Hung round for a bit in disbelief hoping someone would spot me looking troubled and offer me at least a weetabix but no such luck. Went back up to my room for a little sleep to try again later. Result! There was a school party in so all ham and cheese laid out, and choc chip muesli. Had a few bits of orange slices just to show there was no hard feelings and then smuggled out some breadrolls so I could have potnoodle barm for lunch.
Spent a good couple of hours sorting this site out and archiving everything from last year and refamiliarising myself with how it all works. I had a little seat by the bar next to reception so I could see all the comings and goings. I just love people watching. Now I said yesterday I had a few people ask me whether I was “part of the conference” and it happened again this morning, but more so. Was all a bit odd, until I started half heartedly reading a poster on the wall opposite. It’s the National Lesbian Parents conference. And it turns out that apart from me, the marathon runners and a Belgian stag doo all the rest of the guests staying are “Rainbow families” as their poster says. I just don’t know how I didn’t click sooner – I’d just assumed that there were lots of women who were on holiday with their female friends. Friends who they like to stand very close to in lifts. I had the porter ask me, a bloke in the lift, random women who I don’t know whether THEY were rainbow or not – everybody in fact apart from the hot barman. Pah!
Sorted out my blog and then sat in the car deciding where to go next. In Europe there isn’t any Sunday opening, so shopping streets tend to be ghost towns. Didn’t see the point of getting the subway back into town so thought I’d use my little car water boiler and the bread rolls I’d bought the night before and have myself a potnoodle barm (that’s “barmcake”, a northern bread roll, for all those of you who live south of Thelwall viaduct). Now this is something I’d been looking forward too since leaving London. 10 minutes later the water was boiling away merrily and I went to get one of 4pack Chicken and Mushrooms from the boot. But they weren’t there. I definitely packed them,convinced I did – so I can only assume they’re either on Cath and Janes drive (I didn’t get a phone call calling me a dozy #&%€ so I’m assuming not) or lying crushed and covered in tyre marks in lane 43 at Dover ferry port. Must have left them on the car roof when I was faffing in the boot while I was waiting to board on Friday. Pah! Had to make do with a mug of hot chocolate instead. Not like they even sell potnoodles abroad. Well I tell a lie, last year we found a shop in Sweden that does, but that’s a bit far. Even by my standards.
So I left Copenhagen and set off for Frankfurt. Now this was recommended to me a couple of years back by my lovely friend Paulene Dickson so I thought this year I should visit. Drive seemed to take forever – just loads and loads of roadworks. For this section of my journey I was accompanied by Chris O’Dowd reading Fantastic Mr Fox, and Sunday Love (free with a long ago Sunday Mirror).
I’d phoned in advance to book my hostel which turned out to be right on the River, just 10 minutes walk from the city, and right on the edge of Sachsenhausen which is the old town. Here’s the view from the window:
Booking on the last minute is always a risk. You can either get the worse bed that no-one else wants, and end up sharing with the barman and a tribe of drunk sweaty Swiss knobheads (that was last year!) or you can strike lucky and end up with a higher priced room they don’t usually let out to lone travellers. They’ll rather have one person in a 4 bed family room with en suite than no-one at all. So luckily I managed to get a 4 bedded room all to myself, meaning – BRING IT ON – I got a bottom bunk! There’s always a chance someone else could arrive even later – but it’s unusual. That’s how I ended up sharing with that Witch last year in Munster.
So had a little mooch into the city and it was still light enough long into the evening. All the websites that said nowhere is open on a Sunday were fibbing – all the touristy places were – just not the big chain shops. Bought a few little souvenirs, postcards and treated myself to a posh ice-cream and sat in the City Square and did some people watching. There’s a load of knitted scarves drapped round the fountain, and more lesbians too. I think it’s a National Gay Germans week or something. Don’t know if the knitting is related to the gay celebrations – there’s all little tags with messages on them tied to the scarves but it’s in foreign so I don’t know what they say. I just do not have any intention of striking up a conversation in pidgeon English by sidelling up to a local and asking “Hello, have the lesbians made all the scarves”. Quite possible using phrases like that I could get myself mixed up in some Soviet spying circle by accident.
So had a mooch and walked back along the river bank eating a cone of chips. After my noon potnoodle disappointment I really did fancy a proper steak and chips kind of meal, but Germany has got a thing about Snitzel, and it’s never clear on menus what kind it is. And hey, call me fussy, but I’m very particular about my snitzel. I have also learned from previous trips that May is Spargel season. Spargel sounds pretty exciting doesn’t it? Like a magic delicious spangley Roald Dahl-esque type food. Oh no, its asparagus. It’s huge and white and so unappitizing looking. Bleeuurghhhhh! Snitzel and spangle. No thanks. So I stuck with a cone of chips and a quick shake of a Heinz sauce I’ve never seen in Britain.
So finally, that’s the end of day 3.
Day 2: Part 2 – Evening in Cologne
Had a bit of a freshen up (ok, that just means I wiped myself down with a baby wipe and put some lippy on) and went out for a wander.
The hostel is in the middle of a load of trees off the ringroad, with a little parking lot out the back full off campervans and motorhomes. Jam packed with them. Can only assume they’re full of people from “the conference” that I’ve been asked several times now if I’m part of. No idea what it is, but they all seem to have travelled to get here. On the way out there was a bloke struggling to empty his motorhome poo container down the foul waste thing. I think a wheel had come off or something, because it wouldn’t stand up straight and he juggling with the metal flap lid to the poo shoot where he had to empty it, while cursing and wrestling with the tipping huge container he’d dragged over with him. As I walked past he looked up at me with the pleading eyes of a man at the end of his tether. No chance mate. Just no. Sort your own shit. Literally.
Got the subway into the city Centre. Public transport abroad is something I’ve never done by myself so I didn’t have a clue which side platform to use. There was no map or info so I just plumped for the side with most people stood on it. Figured on an evening people would be going TO the city rather than away from it. Good tactic that worked. No ticket machines on the platform and no conductor or barrier at the other end so it was free. Nice one.
Had a mooch round the big shopping area. In European cities the main shopping streets are often open til 10pm and the weather was still a nice summers evening. Found a Lego factory shop, and I’m not sure if you can do this in the UK shops, but there are pots of all the bits and you can make a you. So I made a me. Well I made two me’s infact. They’re in the car. I’ll take pics tomorrow. But I think they’re brilliant. Spent a good hour sorting through all the “accessories” box to find suitable things for my me’s.
Further down the street I could hear music so went to investigate and there was a live music concert going on, with a stage and outdoor bar, and little seating area. They were playing Mustang Sally and other blues RnB and soul. Found a hotdog stall and stood chomping bratwurst while listening and then they did a load of Motown and Diana Ross. By this point it was about 10pm and the shops were gradually starting to close, but people watching were starting to dance a bit and sing along. The band were fab, bit frustrating when they did the talky bits inbetween songs because I couldn’t understand them. But they sang with English accents which was strange! Had a good old boogie with some locals and we chink chinked our plastic wine glasses and sang along loudly. Not sure I looked quite the part clutching my Lego carrier bag and a pack of bread rolls I’d bought earlier but hey I’m on holiday – who cares?! 🙂
Once they’d finished the Diana Ross bit and were singing songs I didn’t recognise I made my way back to the station. The underground runs all night but it had been a long day so I was wanting my bed. The ticket office was closed and it took me a good half hour to figure out what platform I needed to get back. The hostel is so far out its not on the maps that reception give out (helpful!) so I really struggled. But with no-one to ask there was also no-one to buy tickets off, so I got home free too.
Walking back up from the underground I passed a fairground with a party going on, and music playing and people playing guitars and singing. Usually I’d have wanted to join in but was so tired I just needed sleep so instead I was just getting ready to curse them if I could still hear the noise from my room. Lovely music, but wrong time wrong place. On my way back through the hostel carpark I was greeted by what looked like a sewer explosion. Don’t what went wrong but camper man must have had a bad night with the poo chute. There was just puddles of brown sludge everywhere. If anyone has seen Oceans 12 where that baddy does the prancy dance round all the red laser beams I had to do something similar to avoid getting liquid turd on my new skechers. Favvered a cross between hopscotch and Michael Flatley. Just did not fancy the prospect of shitty shoes. I bet camper man regrets his choice of socks and sandles aswell now ha ha ha.
Back at my room and the two marathon runners and their sweaty clothing were all fast asleep so I had to find my pyjamas and get all my stuff sorted by torchlight. Dying know why but when you’re trying to do stuff in silence you can only go at about a tenth of your normal speed. Got all ready and clambered up onto my top bunk which was a feat in itself. It’s that point of hoisting yourself up and over the top when you realise you’re at the point of no return and the small metal brackets holding the ladder on had better take the weight of your lard ass being heaved up them. Anyway, they survived. Hostel tip number 1: Doesn’t matter how tired or in a rush to go exploring you are, ALWAYS make your bed as soon as you arrive. Was so glad I’d made my bed earlier. Got all snug and warm and then France’s version of Sally Gunnell started snoring. Snoring loud. Then I remembered my earplugs were somewhere buried in my suitcase. 😦 Realised they also left the window open that I couldn’t reach from my bunk so I could hear the music from the fairground party and people shouting outside. Was too tired to clamber down off my bunk and faff round trying to make no noise, but torn because I’m really grumpy if I keep getting woken up when I’m tired. I’m the end I just crossed my fingers and decided to do without them.
Today was a long day. I’d started off in England and driven through France, Belgium and The Netherland and now in Germany. So that’s it for day 2!
Day 2: Part 1 – London to Cologne, Germany.

(blue dot is where I am, red whatzimajig is EUROVISION!)
Miles today:323
Total miles:557
Location: Copenhagen.
Cost of tonight accommodation: £24
Number of times I’ve used the subway: 2
Number of times I’ve paid to use the subway: 0
Number of times I’ve been asked by random men if I’m “part of the conference”: 3
Woke up bright and early at Cath and Jane’s to the noise of Finlay babbling away in his cot. He’s a very happy chappy, doesn’t ask for much entertaining and will sit amusing himself with a loofah or some other simple toy for ages.
Made the ferry terminal in good time but with it being a bank hol weekend I was really busy and so there were big queues so good job I didn’t leave any later. I’ve bought a little water boiler element thing that plugs into the car cig lighter so while waiting in the queue I had myself a pot of apple and cherry porridge and a chocolate. Brilliant eBay buy – was only a couple of quid from China. I’m not saying it doesn’t get so hot you could brand cattle with it, and I’m not saying I won’t melt a hole in the dashboard with it. But it does its job very well. Felt very satisfactory eating my warm fruity porridge while the gloomy people carrier families starved their whining children because the onboard catering prices where ridiculosly over priced.
Crossing was a bit of a rough journey but I’d remembered my travel sickness pills so I didn’t yack at all. I usually get a silly o’clock in the morning ferry, but this one was full of families, couples and school trips rather than truckers, stag doos and Wigan athletic fans.
Was a long long drive to Copenhagen – hope the tiredness was due to early morningness rather than distance, because some of my days will involve even longer drives so I hope I can cope. I waved Cath Jane and Finners off at half 7 and arrived at the hostel at half 6. I did the second half of Danny the Champion of the World, the whole of The Twits, The Enormous Crocodile and half of Bruno Mars before I got to the near enough to the hostel to do the “have to turn the stereo off so I can see better” thing. I got a bit lost with only a mile or so to go so that didn’t with. I know Copenhagen ring road pretty well now anyway.
Tonights hostel is a YHA one which means its usually pretty safe and clean. The kind that boyscouts stay in. It’s only down the road from the underground and surrounded by all trees so very nice location. I’m sharing a room with two French marathon runners and a pot of wintergreen. Honestly the whole room just honks, like that smell at Byrchall when you stood at the tuckshop by the boys changing rooms. Every spare wall hook, table, windowledge and chair is draped with a piece of damp lycra clothing. Not good. The one hanging off the window hook is actually DRIPPING and making a puddle on the window ledge. I’m hoping it’s been washed out and is water rather than sweat. Making me gipp just thinking about it.
Anyway, written enough for now. I’ll complete Day 2 later on.
Day 1: CowTown to London
Day 1
Miles travelled: 234
Total miles: 234
Location: Cath and Jane Babbage’s room (upstairs with en suite!), London-ish.
Cost of tonight’s accommodation: free
(tenner contribution to Chinese takeaway
fest)
Number of potnoodles in car boot: 4
Number of days I’ll be away: 13
Number of days accommadation I’ve actually booked in advance: 3 (just see where the road takes me)
Number of miles left to drive: approx
1000.
Shattered. Was packing til 4am this morning and up again at 7am as I had an
appointment en route for my mortgage
application. Which I won’t bore you with but will just say that due to the oaf at head office having sausage fingers when using his calculator I very nearly used up all my clean underwear up in one day. Muppet.
Noel is happily being looked after by my
lovely Auntie Julie and so will be feasting
on as many blueberries and brocolli
florettes as a hamster can eat. Got to be
careful typing that as predictive text
changes it to “gangster” which conjurs up
a whole different image. Not sure Julie and John would fancy Al Pacino eating all their vegetables.
Journey down was ok. Got lost in Telford
after only 33 miles which wasn’t the greatest. And I can’t find my way
anywhere in Dudley without starting off at
Russells Hall hospital so I can see why my
friend Jannine worries so much about me
making it to Copenhagen in once piece. I’m taking roughly the same route as last year, except Sweden was the next country along, so I’ve got a good general idea of where I’m going. ish.
In preparation for this trip I invested in a
Roald Dahl CD collection a few weeks ago
so listened to Danny the Champion of the
World all the way down. Found a load of
free Daily Mail and News of the World cd’s
at the back of the hall cupboard too so
brought them along. Should keep me
entertained for the long journey days
when all the radio stations are in foreign.
Haven’t even looked what’s on them but I
can see a fair few of the Daily Mail ones
being frisbee’d out of the car window at
some point.
The car has been cleaned too – inside and out. Just a bit more classy for when I have the roof down. Never a good look cruising along the autobahn with your hair blowing back in the breeze, with empty McCoys bags and Haribo wrappers being whipped out of the footwell by wild air currents and making a run for it. Nice thing about this year is I am getting better at packing light too. I mean, this year I haven’t brought the gas cooking stove OR the fuzzyfelt.
Thats it for my first day. I’ll get
http://www.roadtoeurovision.com sorted out as
soon as I get time. Off to sleep now. Have
to leave for Dover at 7am. I’m already
expecting I’ll miss the ferry. Just
shattered.
Home again home again jiggety jig.
Day 14: Antwerp back to Village of Dibley
Stopped at Cath and Jane’s and slept on the drive for half an hour because they weren’t home. Cath came home and made me a butty, Jane took a week to decide on the takeaway and then I left to drive home.
Lots of miles.
Tired.
But I’ve picked my phone charger up.
Still not home.
Day 13: Hamburg to Antwerp, via Cologne.
Miles today: 278 to Cologne, then another 230 to Antwerp = 408
Total: 1888
Too tired after all that driving so by request today’s update has been done using the medium of FuzzyFelt.
Its me leaving April at the hostel to start the long drive back home. You will notice the Tramps’s bed and a blooming HUGE hole that they were digging by the side of the road (“they” being Hamburg city council, not the tramps).
xxx
Day 12: Malmo back to Hamburg
Miles today: 220
Total: 1478
Will update soon I promise!
Day 11: EUROVISION!
Miles today: 0
Total miles: 1478
Location: Malmo arena and then Eurovision Village, Malmo, Sweden.
Will update soon i promise!
Day 10: Copenhagen to Malmo, Sweden.
Miles today: 30
Total miles: 1257
Too tired to type now, will finish in the morning if I get time,but in summary:
Got stopped by border guards entering Sweden
April found herself a stalker.
Watched some drummers.
Walked miles
Found the works strangest train station.
Spotted a Viking
Got my hands on a fireman’s helmet.
Went over the Oresund Bridge (AMAZING!)
Was complimented on my use of English – by someone from Sweden
Got more confused over yet another different currency.
Got to our posh hotel and are off to sleep in proper comfy beds!
Night all!
xx
Day 9 Part 2: Girls night in at submarine hostel
Got back to the hostel and found my car had been ticketed with a 510 kroner fine. To be fair I’ve not paid at all for parking since I left home, which considering I’ve been parking in some major cities right outside where I needed to isn’t half bad. I can’t understand where I’m allowed to park here and where I’m not. Its not clear at all. But they were decent enough to make sure the parking fine notice was printed in 4 different languages. Ah well. We’ll see if they chase me for it when I’m back home.
Been wearing new shoes today and after all our walking and exploring I’ve also got a blister the size of Belgium. Hope it sorts itself out or I’ll be wearing flipflops to Eurovision. Blisters AND a parking fine in one day just isn’t fair.
There was just me and April in our 4 bed room so we put the telly on and found the Eurovision semi final channel and sat back relaxing in our jimjams. The mattresses here are so thin they aren’t worth having, so we were hoping that if no-one else came we could double up and steal the other two matresses. Just before final check in time our door opened and a woman came in to share. We said hi but didn’t chat, as we assumed she was foreign (wearing a maxi sun-dress over a sweatshirt just didn’t strike me as a british thing) and April and I just laughed about the different entrants and how we’d cry if the falsetto gothic screachy man got through, and how many key changes there were. Then suddenly the maxidress jumper girl started talking to us. She was from Denmark but spoke perfect English, and had initially ignored us because she said we spoke so quickly she thought we were talking in Welsh! She was so nice, and laughed at the acts with us, and totally got our love for the naffness of the whole thing. So we had a very chilled relaxed quiet night in in our submarine room, all 3 of us chatting and groaning over the bad entrants and awful songs. And that’s were we are now. April has fallen asleep on her top bunk, maxidress girl is typing away in the dark on her laptop and I’m typing this on my phone. Tell you what, April Davies, she doesn’t half snore. Always a sign when you offer someone in a dorm a pair of ear plugs and they say no they wont need them. Yeah well if they don’t need them that’s because THEY’RE the snorer. There’s one in every dorm, and tonight it’s April. Shes even coming through the earplugs. I’ll have to make a point of making sure I’m first asleep tomorrow night.
So it’s been a good day. Bit odd having someone I know here with me now, specially as I’ve not seen April for months and months, but I’ve soon got used to it. Was good driving back from the airport in the glorious sunshine with the roof down Thelma and Louise stylee. (I’ve never seen the film so I don’t know whos who – you’ll have to make your own mind up)
Well that’s me done now. Early start tomorrow morning across the Oresund Bridge to Malmo and Eurovision baby!
EDIT: Now lying here in the dark silently laughing away to myself. I just trumped but I’ve got earplugs in so don’t know if it made a noise. What’s the etiquette in situations like this?……anyone?
Day 9 Part 1: Picking April up from Copenhagen Airport.
Miles today: 12
Total miles: 1227
Times I locked myself out of room this morning: 2
Different types of currency I now have to translate between: 3
Number of giant inflatable hands I was frantically waving when April came through arrivals: 2
Times April broke the revolving door at the airport before she even made it out of the building: 3
Number of minutes in room before April broke a bunkbed: 5
Woke up feeling mega skanky. Hair covered in oil from suntan spray (as is the car, the drivers window, my clothes, everything! Thats a problem with travelling alone, there’s no-one to rub the suntan cream in so I have to use that invisible spray stuff and it goes EVERYWHERE), and my face covered in big black scary mascara tear stains from last nights severe snot and tears moment. Stayed in bed til everyone else had left the room so I’d at least be able to grumble around in a mard by myself. This meant the angry latino woman cleaning the showers wouldn’t let me in and shouted in foreign and waved her scourer at me every time I tried to nip in when she wasnt looking. So I had to wash my hair under the cold tap in the toilets. Absolute nightmare, and proper shivery brain freeze when it was right on the back of my neck, but at least it stopped me feeling skanky. Had a mooch exploring the city around the hostel but that part of town was dog rough, probably the dodgiest area I’ve been in yet, so I didn’t venture far. Bought some “Skum Banana” sweets for my friend Lee, a giant strawberry cake for myself and some binbags to clean the car out. When I set off it was all pristine and shiny inside and out, and the boot contents were all fitted together like a jigsaw puzzle. Now it’s just a jumbled heap of bras, cardigans, charging cables and empty plastic bottles. Anyway, tidied car and set off for our April.
Copenhagen airport is only little, but has flights arriving at approx 60 second intervals judging by the amount of people coming through the arrivals bit. It was heaving. It’s lovely to watch people being reunited – it’s not something that’s ever sad, and everyone is always happy and smiling. They’ll shout and put down their bags to hug one another – its just heart warming to watch. 🙂 Right by arrivals there was a Eurovision desk so I had a chat to the reps, and they gave me times that stuff was happening in the Eurovision village and maps and whatnot for when we go over to Malmo tomorrow. And if you thought I could waffle and chunner on about Eurovision this woman was in another league! I was aware that April’s flight was due through the doors any minute, and it would have looked rude walking off to only stand 3 feet away, so I had no choice but to start blowing up my giant inflatable union jack gloves while the woman was still whittering on talking to me. It’s difficult to look interested while puffing away as a giant red white and blue hand expands in front of you, but I think I did a pretty convincing job. April actually took yonks coming through passport control so I actually had plenty of time to get my giant hands ready to wave. Now these are things I bought in the sale after the Queens jubilee, and they were sold singly, which I though was strange – surely they should be a PAIR of gloves? Well now I know why they only come in packs of one! Because after you’ve wrestled one sweaty little fist into the little hand hole in aforementioned giant inflatable glove it’s impossible (without another pair of hands) to get the other glove on. I had to resort to a mixture of clenching it between my knees and trying to swivel my hand further in, or tucking it under my arm and just pushing, while staggering around looking like some sort of patriotic cartoon wrestler trying to get the invisible man into a headlock. Either way after about 10 minutes I finally managed it and I stood there proudly with my sweaty little fists wedged tightly inside two giant inflatable hands, held aloft victoriously on the lookout for April coming through the gate. And then, just then, THAT’S when my contact lens started playing up. 😦
April finally came through and I waved my giant hands and shouted “You’re here, you’re here!” and April shouted even louder “Yes, All the way from Wigan, and we’re FA Cup winners” which ha ha ha proper made everyone look past her at the rest of the people coming through arrivals, like they expected the whole team to be accompanying her. If any Eurovision fans who happen to be reading this got caught in the queue that built up behind, it was April who broke the revolving door 3 times, not that poor bloke in the suit who thought it was his fault.
We found our “hotel” room is actually in the basement, which looks like something out of a submarine – twisty turny corridor and narrow bedroom doors that open outwards. Now I’m not saying this place was done out on the cheap, but the bunkbeds are handmade (April broke one within 5 minutes of being in the room) and the bunkbed ladder is actually a set of step ladders that is moved from one set of bunkbeds to the other. I’m sure she thinks I make things up for this diary – but when presented with a set of metal ABRU’s to climb up and down during the night she didn’t have much choice but to laugh.
We had a wander round town, paid £10 for a Guinness and half a coke and then went and sat on the side of the river inlet canal basin thing. Sun was beeming down, gloriously hot weather and everyone was sat on the side with both feet dangling over the river. Despite there being a little ledge to rest your feet on, the possible 15 foot drop into the water if you missed a step was just to much for me, so I sat sideways with just one foot over. Just wasnt brave enough. We sat there like that for a good could of hours just chatting and soaking up the sun, and watching a lad climb the rigging of a ship to fly a kite from the top. There were passing buskers, people with little dogs in baskets, tour boats coming in and out and swans and ducks milling round. Just a lovely summers day, beautiful weather and a great relaxed atmosphere.
I’d gradually got my confidence up, and had finally swung BOTH legs over the side of the river and was sitting looking cool and hard like everyone else. Me..yes…my Name is Kat, this sitting on the side of the docks thing?…..oh I do this all the time…what?…..scary?…with BOTH legs over?…..Noooo…..I do this all the time me….hard as nails. Well it was fine til we had to leave, and my bravado had left me. Never in a million years was I going to stand up and clamber back over the edge of the river, just incase I lost my balance and went head first into water 15 feet below. Couldn’t sit there forever, so the only way I could get back onto the pavement and feel safe at the same time was to do…(and I must have looked like a right loon)…a backwards roll into the cobbles, and then crawl away sideways til I was away from the edge and could stand up. Would have been embarrasing enough anyway, but a busker with an oboe had set up directly behind me. So all the people sitting outside the restaurants eating their evening meals in the sun listening to the beatiful music where just staring at this sunburnt worried looking girl on the side of the river doing a backward roll and crawl away method when everyone else could just stand up and casually swing both legs back over the side.
We had a bit more of a wander, found a very posh restaurant and ate a FANTASTIC meal. I’ve not had a “proper” meal since I arrived, just been coissants and bagels or butties, or pizza. No proper meals that need a knife! Gorgeous food in a proper posh riverside restaurant, surrounded by little pavement bars and cafes and ice-cream palours. Very chic and sophisticated. April ordered fish, fried potatoes and veg, and the waitress brought it out, took a quick glance at her Wigan Ath tshirt and came back a few minutes later to plonk a bottle of Heinz tomato ketchup down on the table. Our reputation knows no bounds!
My dayglo green pint of cactus cider went down very well, tasted just like that 25p Space Special pop that pubs always have in the bottom of the wine fridge. Could have sat there for hours, especially as the waiter had come out and put heaters under our parasol, but it was getting late so we set off back home to our handmade submarine hostel room.
…..continued….
Cactus flavour cider.
Text message today from Noel
Hi mummy – hope you are having a nice time. I have been eating lots of yummy food – celery, lettuce, cucumber, carrots, green beans, sweetcorn, basil, blueberries, apple, cheese, chicken and pasta – oh and choccie drops. Yum yum! Auntie Julie says I can have strawberries later if I am good. See you soon – miss you.
From Noel
xxx
He wont want to come home if he’s being fed all that lovely stuff!
Day 8 : Hamburg to Copenhagen
Day 7: Munster to Hamburg.
Miles today:178
Total miles: 794
Location: Hamburg city centre
Cost of accommodation: 26€
Rations left: 2 Sherbet dibdabs, 2 packets of polos, 3 squares of Dairy Milk, 1 giant drumstick lolly.
Number of Ikeas spotted: Still none
Number of Wigan goals scored while I was in the loo AGAIN: 1
Number of times people have actually assumed I’m a participant in the Eurovision Song Contest: 3
Really nice day again. Woke up to the aged Munster witch and her long white whispy hair, but wearing a set of pink floral pyjamas. We didn’t speak. Honestly, she must be as old as God’s dog. Got all packed up and I sat on the banks of the lake eating my breakfast, which was a pot* of strawberries and quark. Now I’ve only heard of quark because I accidentally made it on Alchemy Android game, and it sounds a bit rank just by the name and so wouldn’t have actually bought it, but I forgot to read the label. But it’s amazing – like a unsweetened unchemicalized version of fromage frais. Anyway, was LOVELY. I also robbed enough stuff from the breakfast buffet to make myself a packed lunch. Had a wander round Munster which was much nicer in daytime and people were actually friendly. The fun police must only control the hostel itself.
Drive to Hamburg was a long one – it’s a bit grim setting your satnav and seeing that the next turn you need to make is in 146 miles. But I was enjoying my own company, and I found a load of great songs on the mp3 player and blasted them out proper loud and sang away at the top of my voice all the way down the road. Not seen a UK car reg for 3 whole days now. Arrived in Hamburg and found a “Boy Scout” brand hostel. I hadn’t booked in advance so had to just pitch up and hope they had beds left. I got the last bed in the whole place – was a mixed room, and after Bruges I was a bit scared I’d end up with some rowdy knobhead lads again. Shouldn’t have worried. There were 8 of us, but the only ones I spoke to were Steve, an American guy who’d was going to a green energy convention and then out on a pubcrawl, a very quiet guy called Marios who looked petrified at us all, Dominic from Cologne who was going for an interview as a sports coach, and…..wait for it…….Wolfgang the farmers son who had been sent from the countryside by his parents to see what life in the big city was like.
Dominic was really friendly, and chatty, and was the spitting image of my friend Annie’s husband Adam, so I just felt an affinity with him. He got us all talking and we compared notes on our travels, home towns and reasons for being in Hamburg. He asked advice on what to wear for his interview and gave us parade of his possible choices. Was a very pleasant couple of hours just chatting and making friends with my roomies. We decided we’d go for drinks and food when he returned,and off he trolled to interview. Thought I’d go for a wander round the city by myself and as I was leaving Wolfgang decided he’d join me. Now Wolfgang has just turned twenty, he grew up on a farm and has never really left, and lived a VERY sheltered life. He looks like a young Leonardo Di Caprio, but taller and with more windswept hair. He’d also travelled from Munster, as he now needs to find a Uni to study at, so his father has sent him off the farm out to find his fortune in the big wide world. Wolfgang didn’t want to come to Hamburg because he thought it was too big a city, and he says that cities made him feel “psychotic”, and he feels very scared and misses life on the farm. (don’t worry Suzanne, he did say he was struggling to find the right word in English, and that “psychotic” wasn’t the right word). Considering he’s a proper CowTown German guy his English was very good,to be honest ha ha ha there was less of a language barrier than with WindMillMan. Mind you, I did go into some bizzare Queens English sort of accent, don’t know how or why, it just came out. Probably for the best though, I wouldn’t want him trotting back to his CowTown hometown speaking English with a Wigan/Dudley twang.
We walked along the river, and he explained a lot about the history of Hamburg and the buildings, and the culture, and trade – obviously all knowledge gained from books, but still a great tour guide. He showed me a little card that he’d been given earlier that day, by a bloke standing at the end of the red light district as Wolfgang passed by. Now Wolfgang, having lived all his life in a Little Town on the Prarie type environment was rather bemused by this card. I’m not sure he’s come across many real life women before, let alone semi naked ones. He was showing me the card, and alternating from disgust to curiosity to excitement. I think he was trying to judge my reaction as to whether it was bad of him to have this card, or VERY bad, and he’d get struck down by lightening for being such a heathern sinner in the big wide world. I explained there was similar places in Amsterdam too,and even in Blackpool they had shops on the seafront that sold rude shaped lollipops. Wolfgang’s eyes were nearly popping out on stalks. Thought we’d stop for a drink and totally unknowingly I chose to stop for a drink at a bar that was directly opposite the where the man who’d given the very same little red card earlier was now stationed. I sat happily drinking my cola while Wolfgang sat sipping his beer gazing out of the window and across the road with a warm readybrek type glow all around him. Too funny. Wolfgang kept saying how big and scary the city was, and he liked Munster better (Munster is a MUCH smaller city) and there was too much traffic and noise. From my point of view Hamburg is a big, but quiet city. The roads are wide, but not much traffic at all. Busy to me is Deansgate, or the M6 between Bryn and the M62, or Castlegate in Dudley, or the road along the river in town in Shrewsbury. It wasn’t anything like that bad. This didn’t however stop Wolfgang being scared of the traffic, and everytime we crossed he would hurtle across at full speed and then stand on the opposite pavement shouting “Faster, faster, FASTER!” at me (in the same kind of petrified voice that can only be equalled by Mrs Gloop doing her “Noooo Augustus” in Charlie and the chocolate factory) as I dawdled across quite safely in my own time. We did a bit more exploring, passed a few tramps in their “houses”, which we both really laughed about, and made our way back to the hostel. Wolfgang still had his ready brek glow from passing the end of the right light district on our walk, and said he wanted to go and sit under a tree and read a book. Yeah right. Anyway he wandered off and I went to get changed. I was hoping Dominic would be back from his job interview as he was good company, very friendly and more my own age, but he wasn’t. Marios the quiet guy was still cowering under his duvet looking scared of these strange people being social and talking to one another. I googled and found an bar showing the Wigan match and set off clutching my little map.
The Shamrock Irish bar had good reviews, but no idea how. There was virtually no electric lighting, mostly lit by candles in bottles and just looked dark and grubby. I can only assume the owners left Ireland during the potato famine and haven’t been back since.They’d be shocked to see how modern techology had moved on. Just grim. The toilet looked like something out of trainspotting. Anyway, sat down with my warm cola and say down infront of the portable telly to watch Arsenal v Wigan. There was just me in the whole pub. A few minutes before kick off a tall American guy walks in and sits down and asks the barmaid to turn up the volume. We got chatting, his name is Jon, he is 28, from Upstate New York but is living here temporarily with work. We talk about our travels and our favorite cities.The match starts and I ask who he’s supporting, as it’s unusual for an American to like “soccer”. He looks at me like I’m nuts, and unzips his jacket to reveal….a Latics away shirt. “Wigan of course. I believe!”. I couldn’t get over it! Not even a run of the mill home shirt – an away shirt! Turns out his sister married a bloke from Wigan, and now they all support Latics. He went to Wembley for the semi and is flying back for the Villa match. So Jon and I chatted Wigan, he stays in the Oak hotel when he flies over, really wishes he’d seen a game at the old “stadium” and how we both miss Jimmy Bullard. We’re both confident Martinez with stay for at least a season, not just for their changes in europe, but because we think he’s got the Wigan ethos of loyalty. Lovely chatting, just a bit bizarre when Jon had a proper cartoon American accent and said words like “dee-fence” and “sem-eye final”. After about 20 minutes the door burst open and an spanish girl runs in shouting “Have I missed anything, how are we doing”. Jon tells hes on a mission to turn Hamburg into Wigan fans. Back home in Washington DC there is a little cafe that now opens early on Saturday mornings and Jon had a little band of American faithful that turn up to watch Wigan matches. I explained to Jon that I missed the goal against ManCity because I was in the loo, and how that always happens. He laughs. Just before half time I can’t wait any longer and nip off to the loo. Jon laughs and says he hopes my traditional luck will work. Just as I’m about to unlock the door on my way out of Irelands tribute to Trainspotting I hear Jon, Gill and the barmaid screaming. I genuinely don’t know how I do it. I’ve not seen a England goal in years, Man U always scored when I went for a pie and now Wigan are in on it too. As much as I know it has it’s uses it would be nice to see the goals live, rather from a replay! I went again twice in the second half but no such luck. Quote off Gill was “I hate you Jon, 3 months ago I didn’t even know who Wigan were and now I’m crying at their results, AND I’ve had to learn the offside rule.”. Brilliant! By the end of the match we had the barmaid and 2 other regulars serioysly cheering for Wigan. Dispointing score obviously, and Jon was absolutely gutted. We agree that if we ever see each other out on King Street we will have a beer together. Both of us are still proud of what “Little Wigan” have achieved. Just gutted too.
Wobbled back to the hostel a little worse for wear. Stopped on the way to order food because I’d not eaten since the robbed lunch of breakfast cobs from Munster, and must have found the only place in such a big city that couldn’t speak any English. Everything was foreign, apart from the word pizza, and “kip” and “poulo” didn’t even get me anywhere so I had to draw pictures of what toppings I wanted. Only 5€ for a huge pizza though so not bad. Wobbled about 2 streets before I opened the box under a streetlamp to find….. a brocolli pizza. Yes. I know. Brocolli. on. a pizza. No idea how my drunken artistic scribbles of Chicken and peppers looked like brocolli. Difficult trying to pick toppings off a giant pizza with nothing to rest it on. I lost one slice into a hedge and another into some roadworks when I was trying to rest if a traffic cone. Made it back to the hostel fine (Jon had reassured me that Hamburg was a very safe city else It’s have probably got a taxi back) to find silence and all the rooms lights out. Though I would be decent to not wake them up so I had thoughtfully planned in advance and taken my jimjams out in my handbag with me and left my bed ready with everything packed away neatly. Got changed on the landing and sneaked back in silently so as not to wake them. Which worked great til I walked headfirst into a wardrobe door Wolfgang had left open, and then staggered and fell headfirst over a stool. My bunch of keys went flying and my torch smashed so all round the room little bedside wall lamps got quickly flicked on by a room full of bleery eyed roomies looking at me lying full stretch in my pyjamas clutching the remains of a brocolli pizza. Everyone groaned and buried their heads back into their pillows. Apart from the ever cheerful Dominic who with a big smile on his enthusiastic little face said “Hey did you win?”. No we effing well didn’t.
*potje in foreign 😉
Day 6: Antwerp to Münster
Miles today: 174
Total: 615
Location: Münster, Germany
Number of typical hostel rules: Usually about 3 or 4, given verbally when booking in.
Number of rules for tonight’s hostel : 25, with full explanations, printed on 2 sheets of A4, handed over and told I must read them.
Number of views of this website so far: 1207
Number of views of this website from Jamaica: 7 (Nope, I have no idea who or why either!)
Not much to say today, its been a quiet one again. I’m in Münster, in Germany, and boy don’t I know it. It’s just gone 10pm and a big voice has come booming over the tannoy telling everyone that they must now be quiet. Well that’s what I assume the message said, it was all in foreign. This is the first place I’ve been to that hasn’t had any sort of English translation at all. I actually feel guilty like I’ve done something wrong that I dare try and speak English. Theres board games in a glass cabinet in the lobby, but its locked because no-one is allowed to have fun at this time of night. The guitar playing woman I could hear earlier softly singing folk songs has even been shushed. And whoa betide anyone who dares come in after 11pm has hasn’t arranged it in advance by telephoning the night porter (rule number 14 of 25). The hostel is on the banks of a lake by a big park, and I’m guessing they’ve also got an agreement that the wind wont whistle through the trees too loudly at night too. Boy Scouts are probably too scared to come here. Bring my back my lovely Antwerp Ikea prison and the all you can eat bananas!
Windmill man phoned me from work on his break this morning to check I was ok and up and about. Think he also wanted to check I’d not gone back to nick his telly to be honest. I only decided yesterday where I’ď be staying tonight – I like having this flexibility but I think most people find it a bit too random. Decision was done yesterday in the pub with Google maps, and splitting the remainly journey to Copenhagen into roughly 3 equal portions and seeing what town or city was roughly nearby. So Munster it is! I did consider Amsterdam but one of my Sherbet Dips exploded in my handbag a few days ago, and so turning up in Amsterdam with a bag full of white powder didn’t seem like a sensible move. I’m also down to my last bar of DairyMilk now, so I’m going to struggle. I might have to get April to bring extra rations out with her on Thursday. I’ve got a giant drumstick lolly mind you, that’ll keep my occupied for at least half a day. Not sorted anywhere for tomorrow yet, so I’ll have to get onto that first thing actually.
Had a wander round the town tonight. It’s crawling (well not literally) with joggers and cyclists. Never seen so many in one city. There’s a really beautiful cathedral here too, but I’ve gad my fill of cathedrals and historic buildings this week. Have found a few shops I’d like to go back to in the morning. Had a butty, my mezzo mix and came home. Probably take my breakfast and eat it sitting by the lake in the morning. That’s if the Germans will allow it. I’ll have to check the list for rules about eating food in nice surroundings.
Hang on, I did say this was a boring uneventful day, but that could well change on what has JUST happened. This is a 4 bedded room, but up till now there we just me here. Its now quarter to 11 and the door has JUST opened and a woman who is 60 if she’s a day has just walked in. She’s dressed all in black and she’s got white hair past her shoulders. I got surcharged 7€ extra here because of my age not technically being in the “youth” catagory, so heaven knows how much extra they’ve charged her. Rule 15 is no animals allowed so I’m guessing she’s left her black cat and toad outside. Never mind being chopped into pieces, I might just get magicked into a turnip or something.
She’s chunnering away to me in German, seemingly oblivious to the fact I’ve not replied apart from “No spracken zee doitch”. That’s me done. I’m off to bury my head under the pillow and hope I’m still here in the morning. I can honestly say my shoes are so stinky and rank I’ve actually been tying them up in a carrier bag overnight. Well not tonight. I’m leaving them at the end of my bed to ward off evil spells.
Night all
xx
Day 5: Goodbye Sir Alex
Miles today: 6
Total miles: 441
Location: Still in Antwerp, Belgium
Number of C&A’s I’ve seen now: 3
(who was it who told me they thought C&A stood for Coats and ‘ats?)
Number of Ikeas I have seen : 0 (surprised actually)
Number of Scottish Windmill makers I have met now: 7
Number of times I have asked Windy Miller to say “All the squirrels in the world eat curly wurlies”: About 12. ish.
Very lazy day today, but it was just what I needed. Caught up with some sleep at the hostel but still felt rough. Probably drank more on Saturday then I did in the whole if last year. Weather was cold but at least it wasn’t raining.
Met up with Windy Miller and his scottish windmill making friends for brunch in Antwerp city cente. They’re a really good bunch of lads – bit like Auf Weidersein Pet, they work over 2 sites in Begium and Holland and then go back to Scotland every so often for a week off. Can’t quite fathom why Dutch people can’t make their own windmills, next thing they’ll be outsourcing clog making.
After lunch we headed back to the Irish bar from the day before, and spent the afternoon watching all the football matches one after another on the big screen. The bar staff clearly remembered me as the over-emotional jumping Wigan girl who cried at the final whistle and then paid for her own champagne that someone else sent over to her table. Very emotional final whistle again with the tribute to Alex Ferguson, and when you could tell he was welling up himself doing his speech all the windmill makers started looking nervous incase they had a crying girl on their hands again. Truely is the end of an era. I don’t think British football will ever see anyone in charge of one team for anything like that long. The barman clearly hated ManU though, so at the end when the switched the tv noise off he made an exception to the traditional fiddledy dee music and put “You’ll never walk alone” on the jukebox. Perfect timing though, very well judged and everyone in the pub laughed. And ha ha ha the was one point when I came out of the toilets downstairs and walked smack bang into a chubby girl in a black cardi trying to get to the stairs. I moved one way, so did she, didn’t fancy any agro off anyone foreign I couldn’t understand so apologized quickly and stood back. Oh yes, and that’s when I realised it was a full length mirror and I’d been smacking headfirst into my own reflection. Now that’s embarrasing enough – until the memory came flooding back and I remembered I’d done EXACTLY the same thing THREE times the day before in the FACup aftermath. Is it any wonder I’m single?
Was falling asleep by tea time and the windmill makers all went their separate ways. My own Windy Miller suggested that rather than me spending the evening at the hostel bar by myself readinga book or tinterneting we could order pizza and have a quiet evening in at his apartment. Now Suzanne, I know you especially will be having kittens at this bit, but do not panic. I think he was more worried I’d rob his telly and do a runner if he accidentally dozed off. I did express my concerns that you would be very mad if he chopped me into little pieces but he promised he wouldn’t. And I think that’s all the more reason why he looked petrified when he got in my car and was confronted by 2 pairs of scissors and a kitchen knife sitting on my dashboard. “So let me get this right, you’re worried I’ll chop YOU up, and you’re luring innocent men into your car with a knife and sharp scissors?”. Poor bloke must have feared for his life. My attempts to explain the knife was left over from taking the hamster up to Wigan fell on deaf ears. When I put Noel in his travel box it was a really hot day and I knew it wouldn’t be a nice journey for him, so I was rushing out and thought I’d grab a knife and then stop at the shop in the next village to buy a cucumber to chop up and throw in with him so he could get water from chomping that. I just forgot to take the knife out of the car, and hence its come all the way to eurupe with me! Quite innocent explanation*. Anyhoo, I convinced Windy Miller I wouldn’t kill him so we had a cosy night in with a pizza. As much as I like my own space and don’t mind holidaying alone company came along at just that right point on Saturday when I was getting a smidgen homesick trailing round Antwerpe in the rain. So need to worry at all Suzanne (but thank you that you do xxx), he’s a lovely bloke.
Dreamt of my nurses, which made me miss work. Yes stupid I know, but I’m lucky (and unusual) that I do love my job so much. Think its because I work with such a good team. And possibly the fact that we eat so much cake has something to do with it too I suspect. Homesick isn’t good when your traveling and can’t get back. But I’m doing great, don’t no-one worry.
So, that’s my Sunday in Antwerp. Didn’t do much but had quality company. Windy Miller is quite lovely, very gentlemanly and attentive, always asking am I alright and whatnot, wouldn’t let me pay for anything, and we get on really well. If my nurses at work are reading this then don’t get excited and go buying hats; YES, admittedly he’s very much the kind of bloke who I’d like be holding hands with, but hes a Scot living in Belgium, and I’m a Wigan girl nearly living in Wales so it’s a none starter really. He did ask me if I could stay in Antwerp longer, and I would have loved to, but “Decided to stay in Belguim and move in with Windy Miller. Eating chocolate truffels and waffles and aim to live happily ever after. The End” wouldn’t be much of a road trip would it? Maybe if Wigan play Antwerp in Europe next year we’ll meet up again, but all in all I think safe to say that Noel will NOT be getting a new Step-Dad. But hey, que sera sera, you never know!
*Hmmm, mind you, come to think, I genuinely can’t explain the 2 pairs of scissors.
Day 4: FA Cup final in Antwerp
Miles today: None in car, but several million walked on foot.
Total miles: Same as yesterday.
Number of umbrellas bought: 2
Number of umbrellas broke: 1
Number of umbrellas lost: 1
Football score: 1-0 🙂
Cost of champagne to celebrate: 23€
Getting behind with my days now so might not remember everything. After the pink pyjamas girl I came down the hostel stairs and opened the door at the bottom to be confronted with a little boy of about 8, in blue pyjamas, stood in the doorway silently not saying anything. Just stood stock still, not coming in and not going out, just standing in the doorway. Its like something out of sixth sense. He didn’t even move so I head to edge round him. I was tempted to ask could I take his photo, but bearing in mind a) he might have been imaginary, and b) its not really the done thing to caught asking young foreign boys can you have photographs of them in their nightwear. Later in the bar there were dozens of them, all kids in pyjamas. I really don’t know what was going on.
It rained for most of the morning so not much fun. Gave up and headed into town. Bought a brolly, broke it, bought another brolly, lost it. I’ve also given up trying to charge my phone by sitting in the car with the engine running and just bit the bullet and bought a charger with a European plug on the end. Pah!
Found a nice little Irish bar which was the only pub with a big screen and made sure they were showing the FA Cup final. I had been back to the hostel to change into a WAFC blue vest and then realised the time and how far away it was. I had to run through the rain and puddles full pelt and arrived sweaty and breathless to find there was still an hour to go. Turns out that the time of 5.15pm it had advertised on the blackboard outside was UK time, and it actually started at 6.15 european time. No idea why they don’t work on the same time as the whole of the rest of Europe – just one fiddledy dee pub in the whole of Belgium still on UK time. Pah!
Ended up sitting with 3 scottish windmill makers (they’re a bit miffed I said that and insist I point out that they design then, not actually MAKE them) (also insisted I put 3 good looking scottish windmill makers) for most of the match, apart from 20 minutes where I sat with a very drunk lecherous bloke from Lower Ince. His mates say he lives at the posh end. Clearly rubbish, there ISN’T a posh bit of Lower Ince. Anyway, I moved on and went back to sit with the windmill men.
Still can’t believe we won. I tried my old faithful trick of going to the loo in the hope that Wigan scoared while I was away. Its never failed me yet. This why my ex always used to make me face the wall if England ever got to penalties. Anyway it worked! One nil to Wigan. For those final few minutes I stood in the middle right infront of the big screen just jumping up and down. Final whistle went and the whole place cheered and cheered. One of the windmill makers came over to hug me, someone bought me a drink, I got high 5’s and hugs off some Bolton fans who were in on holiday from Horwich, and some Belgians also came over to say congratulations in foreign and shake my hand. Brilliant brilliant moment, I’ll never forget. Really wish I was there at Wembley with all my Billinge FC mates, but it wasn’t to be. If not actually watching it in real life at Wembley an Irish pun in Antwerp was the next best place to be! One of the windy millers got a bit chivelrous and brought over a bottle of champagne, which was nice until the barman came back to say his card had been declined. Ha ha ha. It was something I’d have done anyway to celebrate, so went down to pay for it myself. Windy Miller No1 got very offended by this and I think we might have even wrestled over it, until the barman settled the argument by shouting “For christ’s sake, the girl supports Wigan and they’ve just won the FA Cup, let her buy the champagne, it’s not likely it’s something she’ll ever be able to say again!”. So me and the 3 windy millers toasted Wigans win and chinked glasses with everyone in the pub.
I also had a bit of a cheeky snog with Windy Miller No3. The rest of the night is a blur. We went on to all Antwerps posh clubs (we’re talking £15 for 2 drinks) and I vaguely remember eating a lemon sponge gateux with squirty cream at about 1am because I was hungry and it was all the barman could russle up at that time of night when the chef had gone home. Crawled back to my hostel at 7am this morning and was met by the over enthusiastic Aussie girl who mistook me for a participant in Eurovision, and all the Sixth Sense pyjama children hearded up in reception.
There’s probably a whole boatload of other things that I’ve forgotten, I was very drunk after all the celebrations so memories will probably come back gradually!
Day 3: Bruges to Antwerp
Miles today: 73
Total miles: 435
Location: Antwerp, Begium.
Tonights accommodation: 23€, with breakfast AND sheets included. Whooooo!
Number of hours sleep I got last night in worlds noisiest hostel: about 3.
Number of hours sleep I got in my car parked up in a quiet street in Gent: 5
Number of pedrestrianisted local town squares I accidentally drove my car into: 1
“Point turn” it took to get car out again: About 37, Austin Powers stylee.
Number of C&A’s spotted: 1
Well a difference a day makes. I should have listened to my instinct last night and slept in the car. The only room left was a mixed dorm, but I thought I was being soft, and convinced myself I should be brave. In reality this meant me being woke up by 5 screaming shouting drunk Swiss blokes at 2am, then 3am when another of their mates rolled in, then constantly shouting laughing and shreeking till 5am. After about the first hour there was a little lull, and when they started up again I asked them please to be quiet,and they laughed at me in Swiss and shouted what I’m assuming were insults and carried on whooping and yelling. Felt a bit intimidated to get out bed in my jimjams and gather my things together to go and sleep in the car, so I just stayed put, buried my head under the duvet and thought nasty thoughts to stop myself crying. Must of worked because I eventually fell sleep and dreamt they were all pretty Swiss girls with long blonde hair but with big hairy manIy chests, being very sorry and apologetic.
Now I’m nowty when I’m tired at the best off times, so this morning was never going to be a good one. I got up at 7am and made sure I clanged and banged round a lot as I left the room. I did consider pissing in their shoes but by that point they were all awake and grumpy so I thought better of it. Thats one hostelI I will never go back to. Anyway, the sun was out first thing so wandered back into Bruges and had hot waffles and cherries for breakfast. There was a little horse and trap doing cart rides around town, and shop keepers washing down the pavements outside their shops, and baker’s with the doors open and smells of fresh bread wafting out. Very pleasant, but I was still in a vile mood. The must have been a concert on aswell, because there was temporary tiers of seating in the main square. Forgot to mention this last night but there was a big group of lads sitting in the seating, and they were throwing a frizbee to random passers by, who were catching it and throwing it back. Was all very friendly, and they were clapping all the passers by, and people sitting at pavement cafes were cheering too. So I stopped for a while and played frizbee with the people in the square. I bet they weren’t Swiss!
At 10am I still had nowhere booked for tonight so I phoned a few places (ok, a few countries if I’m honest) to decide where to go next. Everywhere decent was booked up so I thought I night at well just get on the road and see where I ended up. Where I ended up was actually just a space at the side of the road in the next city along, which was Gent. Was just too tired to drive safely so I parked up just before lunch, put sun shades up at all the windows, tipped the seat right back and got my big fluffy blanket out of the boot and fell sleep all cosy and warm in my little car for a good few hours. Phoned some more places (countries) and found what sounded like a safe hostel in Antwerp, the kind my trusty “boy scout” rule of thumb was happy with. Now, when you phone up these places to book I usually say in my best Queens English “Hello, do you speak English?” and they all reply back in a rather insulted tone of voice that yes they do. Well not this one. The bloke who answered said “Only til 11pm, and all day on Tuesdays”. My kind of hostel – boy scout friendly AND sense of humour! Took my ages to find it. Got with 20yrds of it twice, and then did a whole lap of the city centre thinking I was lost. Millions times better than last night and the sweaty grim Swiss noisy boy hovel. Very plain and simple but clean and modern. Think along the lines of “If Ikea did prisons” and you wouldn’t be far wrong. By some fluke I’ve we’ve ended up with a private double room and en suite for 21€ a night. Just what I need. Room to swing a cat, AND a sink to wash my contact lenses in!
My priority for tomorrow is finding somewhere showing the FA Cup final on a big screen. I had a vest made with WAFC on the front in blue before I left, but it’s not actually vest weather which is a shame. Tell you what, I did the right thing bringing a coat – its proper chilly at times. Don’t remembering it being so cold last time I did my roadtrip. Mind you, comparing the weather to the same 2 week period 2 years ago wouldn’t get you anywhere in Britain so I don’t know what made think it would be any different here. I had a little wander into town before for tea, and so excited, I got a Chinese in one of those takeaway boxes that American people on the telly have. That’s a tick in that box now. Small things eh? Was a challenge ordering the Chinese though. In the typical Brit “Everyone speaks English so why should I bother to learn their language” ignorance I’ve been getting by by just well…..talking English. But I really struggled with the chinese takeaway bloke. There was a lot hinging on him understanding the difference between “Very spicy” and “NOT very spicy” but by a bit of hand signals, bits of words, pointing and general “give us a clue” we got there in the end. Lionel Blare would be proud.(people reading this in work – good luck explaining that one to Laura!)
Back at the hostel now just sitting at the bar. Honestly, I couldn’t make it up. On my way out earlier the lobby was full of a sports team of somesort. All in their embroidered sweatshirts and baseball caps and team jackets. Looked very American but they weren’t. Now special there then. Except for the fat midgety girl in pink pyjamas following them round everywhere. No-one else was batting an eyelid at her, sort of thing where I wanted to point and say “Hang on, have you lot not noticed her? Is there only me who can see her?”. Now its late, and I’m tired, so might well be halucinating, so I had to take a sneaky pic to prove she was really there.
That’s it for tonight. I’ve waffled a lot but I’m in chatty mood because I’m in a much better mood than yesterday and this morning. 🙂
Day 2: London to Bruges.
Miles driven today: 152
Total miles: 362
Location: Bruges, Belgium.
Accomdation: Charlie Rockets hostel, 21€. Grim grim just grim. 1 plug socket between 8 us. But very social and trendy, nice bar and good food. Comfy beds, but just in a GRIM room.
Number of fully booked hostels I tried before I found this one: all of them
Number of fresh farm eggs Cathers gave to me before I left this morning: 4
Number of eggs that made it to Belgium in one piece: 3
Number of burns to arms sustained trying to cook remaining eggs on gas camping stove: 2
Number of minutes spent on the phone to the Halifax trying to make them realise it IS me spending money abroad on my bank card: 12
Number of canal towpaths I have driven along by accident: 1
Number of Belgians walking on canal towpath who stopped and waved their finger at me and looked cross: 2
At the docks in Dover I was all very chilled at the prospect of foreign holiday. At Dunkirk I got overly excited and waved at all the customs officials stood there looking miserable as I cruised past with my roof down. Driving on the wrong side of the road doesn’t phase me. I’m happy to stay in hotels and whatnot by myself (well not happy, I’d rather be with someone else, but you know what I mean) but there was a scary bit when I got out of the docks and remembered that EVERYTHING is in foreign. Wanted some bread for a bacon butty (also kindly provided by Cath and Jane) and saw a big roadside advert for a supermarket. But i just couldn’t tell where it said it was, so had to drive another 25 miles or so before I passed a petrol station with a shop. Then had no euros to buy anything (maybe next time I should at least bring loose change with me). I had a moment of “What on earth made me think this was a good idea?” but the petrol station started playing MmmBop at top volume and all was well again.
Bruge is lovely. I came here last time and loved it. Its got more cobbled streets than Wetherfield. Very pretty little squares and pavement cafes and bars with the front windows flung open wide (like Tom&Jerrys in summer, but classy). I also had a good long walk down to the river and had a mooch round just outside the city itself. Too tired to be any more enthusiatic about it now though. I would have taken more pics but thebattery on my phone has gone and I’ve just realised the charger is still in Surrey. 😦 Gutted as so many pretty buildings and little cobbled bridges.
Found this shop windown which made me smile:
EDIT: Forget what I said about not minding eating by myself. I’ve just been to an Italian, and they sat me where I soon realised was the “office” area of the restaurant. The manager was busy serving but it was obviously his seat. Nowt like eating your spag bol while being surrounded by invoices, order books and boxes of butter portions.
Look what Noel sent me!
Day 1: CowTown to London
Location: Cath & Jane’s spare room (the pink one), Surrey (that’s South West London to all you Northerners who are just thinking generally “down there somewhere”)
Miles today: 210
Total miles: 210
Cost of tonight’s accomodation: free
Number of clock radios in room: 2
Number of clock radios plugged in: 0
Best car/van I passed on the way: A salad company van “Steve’s leaves”.
Been a long day today. Decided I was NOT going to get stressed so just chilled and took my time. Packed, bought new shoes, changed some stuff at Matalan, got money, gave Joyce from next door the spare key and my parents phone number incase of emergency. I did plan on taking the car for a full valet befire I left so I’d be proudly driving a shiny and gleaming car throughout the open roads of Europe, just like you see on new car ads. But I was running late so had to make do with just wiping the bird poo off with a Johnson’s babywipe and picking the crisp packets out of the front footwell.
Actually Joyce has been getting very down recently. She asked where I was going to and when I said Sweden she said “Oh you need to be careful, is that country where they’re allowed to do away with ill people?”. I explained that was dignitas in Switzerland and her reply was “Well in that case just bring me back a gun so I can end it all. I’ve had enough of this life.”. Not much you can say to that is there? If she does want to top herself I hope she’s can hold out til I’m back. I’ve got a courier delivering some furniture on Friday and Joyce needs to unlock the garage for him.
As I was late setting off Cathers was climbing the walls for her promised chinese takeaway when I arrived. Can honestly say it was one of the worst chineses I’ve ever had. Burnt chicken balls and vinegar sauce. Second only to the raw chicken/burnt veg one from Dusseldorf. No matter how far I roam nothing beats the Happy Whatisface one near Morrisons in Kingswinford.
So that’s it for now. Early start tomorrow. Getting the ferry from Dover at 8am. I have been sensible though – as I’m usually late for everything I’ve actually booked onto the 10am ferry. I’ve told myself is the 8am one though. We can but hope eh?



















































